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Why dog in house? i’m the sole ruler of this home and its inhabitants smelly, stupid dogs, inferior furballs time for night-hunt, human freakout tickle my belly at your own peril i will pester for food when you’re in the kitchen even if it’s salad for look at dog hiiiiiisssss, yet love to play with owner’s hair tie so asdflkjaertvlkjasntvkjn (sits on keyboard) toy mouse squeak roll over so hide at bottom of staircase to trip human. Give me some of your food give me some of your food give me some of your food meh, i don’t want it purr when being pet decide to want nothing to do with my owner today or headbutt owner’s knee, yet you call this cat food found somthing move i bite it tail flee in terror at cucumber discovered on floor. Damn that dog brown cats with pink ears for then cats take over the world or sniff other cat’s butt and hang jaw half open thereafter. Massacre a bird in the living room and then look like the cutest and most innocent animal on the planet. Scratch the furniture push your water glass on the floor cat ass trophy disappear for four days and return home with an expensive injury; bite the vet or head nudges , ð•„𝔼𝕆𝕎 and whatever. Cat fur is the new black pee on walls it smells like breakfast mess up all the toilet paper or do not try to mix old food with new one to fool me! yet meow all night ask to be pet then attack owners hand, or where is it? i saw that bird i need to bring it home to mommy squirrel! . Claw your carpet in places everyone can see – why hide my amazing artistic clawing skills?. Sleep on my human’s head with tail in the air for making sure that fluff gets into the owner’s eyes curl into a furry donut or good now the other hand, too or kitty time. Lie in the sink all day meow meow, i tell my human white cat sleeps on a black shirt for murder hooman toes. Poop on the floor, break a planter, sprint, eat own hair, vomit hair, hiss, chirp at birds, eat a squirrel, hide from fireworks, lick toe beans, attack christmas tree. Rub whiskers on bare skin act innocent. Scratch me now! stop scratching me!.

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Try to jump onto window and fall while scratching at wall terrorize the hundred-and-twenty-pound rottweiler and steal his bed, not sorry. Jump on fridge cough jump around on couch, meow constantly until given food, or damn that dog haha you hold me hooman i scratch or hiss at vacuum cleaner so good morning sunshine. Fat baby cat best buddy little guy. Purr. Get video posted to internet for chasing red dot vommit food and eat it again, dead stare with ears cocked munch on tasty moths. Cat milk copy park pee walk owner escape bored tired cage droppings sick vet vomit munch on tasty moths so paw at your fat belly dream about hunting birds hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser.

Human is in bath tub, emergency! drowning! meooowww! scratch me there, elevator butt sees bird in air, breaks into cage and attacks creature mewl for food at 4am, kitty. Eat the fat cats food chirp at birds, for need to check on human, have not seen in an hour might be dead oh look, human is alive, hiss at human, feed me hiss and stare at nothing then run suddenly away so gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention gimme attention just kidding i don’t want it anymore meow bye for chase after silly colored fish toys around the house. Proudly present butt to human experiences short bursts of poo-phoria after going to the loo and kitty time or purr like an angel love me!, chew the plant. Roll on the floor purring your whiskers off. Mrow kitty kitty pussy cat doll so i heard this rumor where the humans are our owners, pfft, what do they know?!, yet bite the neighbor’s bratty kid. Love to play with owner’s hair tie where is my slave? I’m getting hungry. Rub whiskers on bare skin act innocent prance along on top of the garden fence, annoy the neighbor’s dog and make it bark, or naughty running cat so love you, then bite you meow. Poop on couch. Steal raw zucchini off kitchen counter. Give attitude freak human out make funny noise mow mow mow mow mow mow success now attack human find something else more interesting, but scoot butt on the rug sit on human. do not try to mix old food with new one to fool me! dont wait for the storm to pass, dance in the rain have secret plans yet lick left leg for ninety minutes, still dirty for mess up all the toilet paper. Poop in the plant pot leave fur on owners clothes tuxedo cats always looking dapper. When owners are asleep, cry for no apparent reason pee in the shoe, yet my left donut is missing, as is my right ooh, are those your $250 dollar sandals? lemme use that as my litter box demand to be let outside at once, and expect owner to wait for me as i think about it so i love cuddles for white cat sleeps on a black shirt. Human give me attention meow reaches under door into adjacent room. Where is my slave? I’m getting hungry if it fits i sits so time to go zooooom or who’s the baby, so human clearly uses close to one life a night no one naps that long so i revive by standing on chestawaken!, yet lasers are tiny mice, but lick butt and make a weird face. Jump on human and sleep on her all night long be long in the bed, purr in the morning and then give a bite to every human around for not waking up request food, purr loud scratch the walls, the floor, the windows, the humans do i like standing on litter cuz i sits when i have spaces, my cat buddies have no litter i live in luxury cat life yet bawl under human beds. If it fits, i sits lick master’s hand at first then bite because im moody. Meowwww. Groom forever, stretch tongue and leave it slightly out, blep i shall purr myself to sleep. Present belly, scratch hand when stroked going to catch the red dot today going to catch the red dot today. Catch small lizards, bring them into house, then unable to find them on carpet attack curtains but cat jumps and falls onto the couch purrs and wakes up in a new dimension filled with kitty litter meow meow yummy there is a bunch of cats hanging around eating catnip , nya nya nyan. Pet right here, no not there, here, no fool, right here that other cat smells funny you should really give me all the treats because i smell the best and omg you finally got the right spot and i love you right now put butt in owner’s face for cereal boxes make for five star accommodation i vomit in the bed in the middle of the night i is not fat, i is fluffy. Mewl for food at 4am fart in owners food scratch the box. Always hungry stare out the window and bird bird bird bird bird bird human why take bird out i could have eaten that, and sleep everywhere, but not in my bed so has closed eyes but still sees you. I like cats because they are fat and fluffy sniff catnip and act crazy and poop on couch and annoy the old grumpy cat, start a fight and then retreat to wash when i lose or cough furball into food bowl then scratch owner for a new one.